When I Was Egyptian
by Tofuu
Summary: YuGiOh in Egyptian times. Ryou is caught by palace guards, being mistaken for Bakura the tomb robber. Malik and Bakura go to rescue him. MxR YxY SxJ


Title: When I was Egyptian  
  
Summary: Life back in Egypt.Shounen-ai, humor, Anzu bashing  
  
BETA-ed by Liz (lily22), arigatou!  
  
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Bakura grinned as he peered into the bag of spoils. He stuck a hand in, fingering all the different gems, coins and jewelry. He grabbed a handful and pulled it out, examining the various items closely before letting them drop back into the bag.  
  
"Think of how much money we'll make!" He picked out a particularly large diamond, examining it closely.  
  
"Another successful day." Malik was grinning as well. He spotted something among the treasure. "Do you think I can keep something from here?"  
  
Bakura raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think we have enough of this stuff at home already?"  
  
"Oh come on Bakura.it's for Ryou!" Malik pulled out a small object and held it out to Bakura, revealing a small gold ring with nothing adorning its bare surface unlike the many other rings.  
  
Bakura snorted. "Why would you give him something like that?"  
  
Malik rolled his eyes. "As if you don't know, Mr. I'm-so-damn-protective-of- my-younger-brother-and-I-don't-want-him-to-grow-up-and-learn-certain-things- which-he-already-has-but-I'll-just-pretend-it-didn't-happen-so-that-he-can- stay-pure-in-my-mind-forever-ever-and-ever-and."  
  
"Ok, ok!" Bakura gave in to Malik's taunting with a scowl. "But if you're going to give him something at all, why not something that's not so plain?" To prove his point, he held up another ring, encrusted in multicolored gems.  
  
"Because I'm going to carve his name into the ring!" Malik pulled out the Sennen rod from his belt and began chipping away. "One ring to rule them all." A malicious glint lit up in Malik's eyes for a moment before quickly fading away.  
  
"Is that Ryou's name?" Bakura said sarcastically.  
  
Malik laughed nervously. "Eh-heh.sorry, too much Tolkien." He held up a thick parchment of papers, a book that had fallen apart after being read one too many times, titled "The Lord of the Rings" in Egyptian hieroglyphics.  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes.  
  
The two had finally reached their destination: home, sweet home. Well, it wasn't quite."sweet", but it sure was shiny in there.  
  
Bakura climbed down the ladder into their "sweet," shiny, underground home. As expected, there was jewelry, gold, silver, pearls, strewn all over the place as if by some careless hand in some treasure cove-which it kind of was. He dumped the contents out of the bag as Malik climbed down the ladder after him.  
  
"Hey, Ryou!" Malik called. Silence. Malik walked around, poking his head into rooms and upon finding no one home, he went back to the den, throwing Bakura a confused look.  
  
"What? Is there something on my face?" Bakura snapped.  
  
"No.not that." Malik started. "It's just that I can't find Ryou." Panic flashed through Bakura's eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?" He said sharply. "I told him to never, I repeat, NEVER, go out when we're not around. Are you saying he disobeyed me?"  
  
Malik thought for a moment until realization hit him. "No.but Ryou goes to the market this day of every week."  
  
"Oh shit! What if he got lost?!" Bakura cried.  
  
"Or kidnapped?!"  
  
"Or raped by a guy?!"  
  
"Or raped by TWO guys?!"  
  
Bakura glared at Malik.  
  
"What?" Malik gave a shrug. "You have to expect the worst. It's a very possible anyway, seeing as to how cute Ryou is." He glanced up dreamily at nothing in particular until Bakura cleared his throat.  
  
"Come on." He grabbed Malik's arm and headed for ladder, pulling a cape over his face.  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-  
  
"New! Pharaoh action figures! Looks just the Pharaoh! Press a button on its arm and it'll say, 'I, the great Pharaoh, own you!'"  
  
"Get your Pharaoh Barbie dolls! Now comes with SIXTEEN different outfits! Or you can keep him undressed! Comb his tri-colored hair! Play with him! Dance with him! Sleep with him! Have a tea party with him!"  
  
Bakura stared at the vendors in disgust (several of them melted away into piles of ash) before turning away.  
  
"Who would actually buy something like that?" He muttered to Malik from behind his disguise.  
  
"Apparently everyone." Malik said coolly, referring to the two girls that were fighting over the last Pharaoh Barbie doll and had successfully pulled the poor doll's head off.  
  
Bakura grabbed a ceramic cup with the Pharaoh's face carved into it and shuddered as he bit into a stolen apple.  
  
"This is the great and powerful Pharaoh? The infatuation of the empire?"  
  
"Seriously." Said Malik seriously, examining the cup closely. "I'M better looking than that."  
  
"News flash! News flash!"  
  
Bakura and Malik whirled around to see one of the royal messengers clad in white and gold running through the market.  
  
"News flash! News flash!" He called again. "Bakura, the infamous tomb robber has been caught!"  
  
Bakura began choking, spitting out pieces of his apple. "What?!" He exclaimed. "No he hasn't!"  
  
Malik nudged him sharply in the ribs. Everyone was staring at Bakura.  
  
"Anyway." Said the messenger who was giving him a strange look. "You can sleep safely in your beds tonight!"  
  
"Thank Ra!" Someone cried out. "My house has been robbed by him just three times this past month!"  
  
Bakura snickered. Malik giggled. It wasn't their fault he never locked his doors. Or windows. It was just too easy. Besides, he was an arrogant bastard anyway. An arrogant bastard with lots of nice stuff.  
  
"News flash! News flash!" The messenger called, running off again.  
  
"Well." Said Malik a bit nervously. "Who do you think they really caught if it's not you?"  
  
Bakura's eyes widened. "Ryou! To the palace!" He thundered.  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-  
  
They had halted at the palace gate, breathless. A guard glanced down at them, unconcerned.  
  
"If you're beggars, Pharaoh Yami has specifically instructed us to bring you food." He said helpfully.  
  
Bakura scowled.  
  
"We're no beggars! I'm Bakura! You know! The infamous thief! Doesn't your stupid Pharaoh want me?!"  
  
The guard continued to look at him with a bored expression.  
  
"Bakura the tomb robber was caught this morning."  
  
Malik rolled his eyes. "That wasn't him." He said flatly.  
  
"Sure it was. Looks just like him. Who else could it be?"  
  
"Look, we don't have time for this. Let's just go." Malik pulled out his Sennen Rod and promptly whacked the guard on the side of his head, knocking him out.  
  
Bakura picked the lock (you'd think the ruler of the kingdom would have better locks than this) and the two scrambled in.  
  
"Damn, which way?" Bakura looked around.  
  
"Don't worry, I know where the dungeon is. That's probably where they sent him." Malik began creeping ahead.  
  
"You've been here before?" Bakura looked at Malik in surprise.  
  
"Yea." He said simply.  
  
"Why?"  
  
They stepped into the shadows and held their breath as a guard marched by. Malik said nothing.  
  
"Here's the entrance." Malik said while pulling open the door that squeaked in protest. They could hear voices coming from the dungeon.  
  
"I'm telling you! I'm not Bakura!" A familiar angry (but cute) voice was yelling.  
  
"Ryou!" Malik called, running down the dank stairs, followed closely by Bakura.  
  
"Shut up, kid. It doesn't matter if you say you're not Bakura. You're scheduled for an execution." An insane laugh followed afterwards.  
  
"Let him go!" Bakura glared at the guard.  
  
Ryou smiled. "Bakura? Malik?"  
  
"And who are you?" The guard glanced at Bakura in a calm manner.  
  
"Your worst nightmare?" Malik offered.  
  
Bakura glared at him.  
  
Shrugging: "It was all I could think of on such short notice."  
  
Suddenly, they heard the door opening from above and small footsteps puttering down the stairs.  
  
"Stop!" Someone cried.  
  
A young tri-colored haired boy stood, dressed in what was surely, the Pharaoh's garb.  
  
"The Pharaoh?" Bakura looked at the boy, a bit confused.  
  
"Yes, Yugi-sama?" The guard asked, a bit mockingly.  
  
"By the Pharaoh's law, all accused are permitted to a trial and you are not to execute them unless they're found guilty!" The young boy said angrily.  
  
"Damn." The guard seemed disappointed.  
  
Yugi sighed exasperatedly. "Haven't you been told that over and over again, Marik?"  
  
"But it's so much fun to watch people die!" Said the guard, who they now knew as Marik, sadistically.  
  
"I'd have to agree with you on that. Especially with. But not when it's my brother!" Bakura finished with a shout.  
  
Yugi just shook his head and motioned for him to bring Ryou to the trial room. He glanced up at Bakura and Malik.  
  
"I'm guessing that you're here to witness the trial? Please follow me." The two followed Yugi up the stairs and the door to the dungeons closed with a satisfying click. Yugi led them through the large halls as Bakura and Malik peered curiously at the hieroglyphics written on the walls.  
  
"Are you.the Pharaoh?" Malik ventured. Yugi shook his head.  
  
"No."  
  
"But.you're wearing." Bakura furrowed his brows.  
  
Yugi nodded in understanding. "Yea, I know. I'm his."  
  
His voice trailed off as a large door suddenly opened to the side of them. A proud (taller) figure strode out, wearing the same approximate attire as Yugi.  
  
"Koibito?" The Pharaoh looked at Yugi in pleasant surprise.  
  
"Yami-chan!" Yugi's eyes lit up gleefully as he reached up on his tiptoes to place a soft kiss on the Pharaoh's lips.  
  
"Gomenasai, koibito. I haven't been able to see you much this week. Being Pharaoh can really put a halt to your social life." Yami said sadly. "Maybe tonight we can be a bit more social to make up for what we've missed." He winked, suggestively. A silly blush crossed Yugi's cheeks.  
  
"Yami! There're PEOPLE here!" He whispered urgently. Yami grinned.  
  
"So what? Let them hear." Yami murmured, brushing his lips against Yugi's neck. "It's not as if they don't know what lovers do."  
  
Yugi blushed again in response.  
  
Bakura cleared his throat.  
  
"Sorry." Said Yami, laughing. "So." He stood up straight. "Who are you two?"  
  
"We're here to rescue Ryou!" Malik blurted out. Yami raised a delicate eyebrow.  
  
"Ryou? As far as I know, there's no one named Ryou here."  
  
"The boy you caught today!" Bakura snapped.  
  
"That was Ryou." Finished Malik. "This is who you were looking for." Malik pointed to Bakura.  
  
"Looking for? I wasn't looking for anyone, even if you are a tomb raider. I suppose it was Marik.after all, he is the head guard.I have far more important things on my mind. Well, if you say that this Ryou is innocent, then he'll be released." He waved the matter aside dismissively.  
  
"What?!" A figure jumped out from behind a random statue. "But I wanted to execute someone!" Marik cried.  
  
"Why don't you just execute yourself then?" A cold voice loomed by. All eyes turned to stare at Kaiba, the priest who had just entered the scene. Kaiba narrowed his eyes. "For some reason, there's a boy tied up in my room. Would you care to explain why?"  
  
Yami raised an eyebrow at Marik.  
  
"I thought you could use some pleasure." Marik smirked. "Maybe that will soothe your irritated mood."  
  
"What makes you think I need it?" His narrowed eyes narrowed even more.  
  
"Well I've heard you complaining every night." Marik said dully. "'Ra- dammit when the hell is Jounouchi going to be back? I need to fuck!' is what you've been saying." He said in perfect imitation while wearing a proud grin.  
  
Kaiba's face grew red. Yuugi stifled a giggle. Bakura looked up at the ceiling, as if seeking for guidance.perhaps in the form of fire targeted towards the annoying guard. Malik polished his Sennen Rod. Yami twirled his hair.  
  
"Well." Said Yami. "Would you care to join us for dinner? We don't often have guests." He turned to face Bakura, Malik and Ryou.  
  
"I bet this is some dirty trap." Bakura said aloud.  
  
"Aw come on, Bakura! It sounds fun!" Ryou begged.  
  
"Yea, come on Kura-chan!" Malik followed suite.  
  
"Come on, Mr. Tomb Raider. We have Egypt's finest wine!" Yami smacked Bakura on the back genially. In return for the expression of friendship, he snarled and punched the Pharaoh in the chest. "Ow.someone's a bit grumpy."  
  
"Yea! Come on! We're not going to try and poison you!" Yuugi chimed in.  
  
"Yea! Come on! Come on! Join us for dinner! Come on!" Marik laughed, purposely trying to piss off Bakura.  
  
"URUSEI!" Bakura clutched his head. "All right, all right. Dinner. BUT THAT'S ALL! No getting drunk and singing and waltzing on the tables afterwards!"  
  
"Come on Bakura! Join us for dinner! Join us! Join us!" Marik continued to screech mindlessly. Everyone glared him into silence.  
  
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Ok, I wanted to make this first chapter longer but I was seriously out of ideas. First of all, this fic doesn't have a plot; I wrote this fic out of boredom and planned for it to be a messed up fic or something in ancient Egypt for the YGO cast. It's basically just to show the everyday lives for them. Eventually, Bakura, Malik and Ryou will live at the palace.for some unknown reason at the moment. -_-'' Simply because if the entire YGO characters are in one big place, it's easier to write about. So if you can come up with some sort of explanation why they'll live at the palace, :Scratches head: please tell ^_^ 


End file.
